Cosas Extranas

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bill-cosby-is-my-real-dad asked: I followed your giiiirlfriend

She’s not my gf. I keep asking her to be but she keeps saying no.

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I need to invent a new language just to describe how much I like you in full detail. 

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At times I feel as though I’m selfish. Perhaps self absorbed is a better way of wording it. There are many things in this lifetime that I want to accomplish that requires me to make certain sacrifices. One being the denial of happiness. This is the main reason I don’t want to be in a relationship. I was in a relationship that lasted approximately two years and at the end of it I realized that I had accomplished nothing. I had done very little writing but the outcome of the break up was far more superior. I began to write an incredibly stupid amount. Not illiterate or literally stupid but too much. I spent a whole summer being isolated in a room writing. I hung out with my friends a total of only four times that summer. That’s the summer I realized what the difference between alone, and lonely was. And how much I enjoyed being alone. I accomplished more that summer than I had the entire previous year. Fast  forwarding into the future, once again I find myself  wallowing on what is yet another failed relationship. However I can’t help but question myself if I ruined this one due to the lack of motivation. I was happy and that was the problem. My best work happens when my feelings are most alive. For some bizarre reason I get more done when I;m drowning my self in alcohol and typing away my thoughts. I don’t ever experience writers block because I’m constantly thinking of things to write all through out the day. This is why I refuse to let my happiness get in the way of my goals. I want to be a substitute teacher/English teacher/Writer/Hallmark Card writer/Author someday. I’m currently writing a children s book right now for my nephew as a birthday gift. I feel as though I can accomplish all the things I want as long as I just stay on track. This means putting happiness, relationships, and the hopes for someday having a family of my own in a box labeled “Not Now Not Ever?” because I must keep hurting a little more to accomplish all of my goals. The difference between being alone, and being lonely is that being alone is a choice. 

Filed under I Hate Francisco Amaro About That Life Alcohol Abstinence From Life